My Girlfriend Doesn't Come On To Me Anymore?

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Intimacy plays a vital role in romantic relationships, fostering emotional connections and enhancing the bond between partners. However, it's not uncommon for couples to experience a decline in physical affection or a lack of initiation in sexual intimacy. If you've noticed that your girlfriend doesn't come on to you as she used to, it can be a source of concern, confusion, and sometimes frustration. In this article, we will explore the possible reasons behind this issue, discuss the importance of open communication, and offer strategies to rekindle desire and intimacy in your relationship.

Understanding the Problem

  1. Shifts in Relationship Dynamics: As a relationship matures, the dynamics can change. In the early stages, there may be a heightened sense of excitement and desire. Over time, as the relationship becomes more comfortable and routine, some couples experience a natural decrease in physical initiation.

  2. Changes in Stress and Lifestyle: External factors, such as work-related stress, family responsibilities, and personal lifestyle changes, can have a significant impact on an individual's sexual desire. If your girlfriend is dealing with increased stress or exhaustion, this can affect her initiation of physical intimacy.

  3. Hormonal Changes: Hormonal fluctuations, such as those related to birth control, pregnancy, or menopause, can affect a person's sexual desire and may contribute to a decrease in physical initiation.

  4. Emotional Factors: Emotional factors, such as unresolved conflicts, misunderstandings, or a lack of emotional connection, can impact your girlfriend's willingness to initiate sexual intimacy.

  5. Communication Issues: Miscommunication or a lack of communication about your sexual needs and desires can result in both partners feeling unsatisfied. Your girlfriend may not be initiating physical intimacy because she is uncertain about your desires or preferences.

  6. Self-Image and Self-Confidence: Personal factors, such as self-image and self-confidence, can also play a role. If your girlfriend is struggling with body image or self-esteem issues, it may affect her willingness to initiate physical intimacy.

Communication is Key

Effective communication is the cornerstone of addressing issues related to intimacy and desire. To navigate the situation where your girlfriend doesn't come on to you as she used to, consider the following communication strategies:

  1. Create a Safe Space: Ensure that your relationship is a safe and nurturing environment where open and honest communication is encouraged. Both you and your girlfriend should feel comfortable discussing your desires and concerns.

  2. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a suitable time and place to discuss the issue. Avoid addressing sensitive topics during heated arguments or when either of you is stressed.

  3. Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I've noticed a change in our physical intimacy, and I'd like to understand why," instead of "You don't come on to me anymore."

  4. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage her to share her feelings and perspective by asking open-ended questions. For instance, ask, "How do you feel about our physical intimacy?" This allows her to express herself more freely.

  5. Active Listening: Be an active listener, paying close attention to her responses and showing empathy. Actively listening can help you understand her perspective and feelings better.

Understanding Her Perspective

To effectively address the issue, it's essential to understand your girlfriend's perspective and consider potential factors that may be influencing her behavior:

  1. Stress and Life Factors: Consider any external stressors or changes in her life that may be affecting her sexual desire. These could include work stress, family obligations, or personal issues.

  2. Emotional Well-being: Her emotional well-being plays a significant role in her willingness to initiate sexual intimacy. If she's dealing with unresolved emotional issues, it can affect her desire.

  3. Physical Factors: Hormonal fluctuations, physical health, and overall well-being can also contribute to changes in sexual desire and initiation. Health issues or hormonal changes may impact her behavior.

  4. Relationship Dynamics: Assess the dynamics of your relationship, including the level of emotional connection and any unresolved conflicts. Relationship issues can impact both partners' willingness to initiate physical intimacy.

  5. Communication Barriers: Communication barriers may exist, preventing her from expressing her desires or understanding yours. Overcoming these barriers is crucial for enhancing your sexual relationship.

Potential Solutions

To rekindle desire and address the situation where your girlfriend doesn't come on to you as she used to, consider the following potential solutions:

  1. Create Emotional Connection: Fostering a deeper emotional connection can lead to a more satisfying physical relationship. Spend quality time together, communicate openly, and work on resolving conflicts and misunderstandings.

  2. Address Stress and Lifestyle Factors: If stress and lifestyle changes are contributing to the issue, work together to find ways to manage stress and create a more balanced lifestyle. This might involve setting aside time for relaxation, pursuing stress-reduction techniques, or seeking professional help if needed.

  3. Professional Help: If emotional issues, unresolved conflicts, or health concerns are impacting her sexual desire, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. Professional guidance can provide tools and strategies to address these challenges.

  4. Enhance Communication: Improve your communication about sexual desires and preferences. Encourage her to share her desires and boundaries while expressing your own. This will create a more open and understanding environment.

  5. Self-Confidence and Self-Image: If self-esteem and body image issues are affecting her self-confidence and willingness to initiate physical intimacy, offer emotional support and reassurance. Encourage her to focus on self-love and self-acceptance.

  6. Quality Time: Make an effort to spend quality time together, engaging in activities that you both enjoy. This can foster a sense of closeness and intimacy that may lead to increased physical initiation.

  7. Initiate Physical Intimacy: Don't hesitate to initiate physical intimacy yourself. Sometimes, taking the lead and expressing your desire can create a positive dynamic and encourage reciprocity.

  8. Explore New Experiences: Introduce novelty into your relationship by exploring new experiences, whether they're related to your sexual life or other aspects of your partnership. Trying new things can add excitement and reignite desire.

  9. Be Patient and Understanding: Be patient and understanding of her feelings and needs. Recognize that changes in sexual desire are a common aspect of many relationships, and it's essential to work through these changes together.


The situation where your girlfriend doesn't come on to you as she used to can be challenging, but it's a common issue that many couples face. It's important to approach this issue with empathy, open communication, and patience. Physical intimacy is a dynamic aspect of relationships influenced by a variety of factors, and it's not unusual for it to change over time.

Remember that addressing this issue requires understanding her perspective, working on communication, and fostering a deeper emotional connection. By creating a safe and nurturing environment for open dialogue and implementing strategies to rekindle desire, you can enhance physical intimacy in your relationship. Ultimately, it's a journey that requires both partners to invest in understanding and satisfying each other's needs and desires, leading to a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship.

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