Why Does My Girlfriend Push Me Away When I Touch Her?

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Physical intimacy is a fundamental aspect of romantic relationships. It serves as a way to express affection, deepen the emotional connection, and create a sense of closeness. However, it's not uncommon for individuals in relationships to experience situations where their partner, in this case, your girlfriend, pushes them away when touched. This can be emotionally distressing and confusing. In this article, we will explore the various reasons behind this behavior, how to understand and address it, and strategies to enhance physical intimacy in your relationship.

Understanding the Problem

It's essential to approach the issue of your girlfriend pushing you away when touched with empathy and open-mindedness. There can be several reasons behind her actions, and it's crucial to consider them within the context of your unique relationship. Here are some common reasons for this behavior:

  1. Emotional Factors: Emotional factors often play a significant role in how a person responds to physical touch. Your girlfriend may be going through a period of emotional turmoil, stress, or depression, which can impact her receptiveness to physical intimacy.

  2. Past Trauma or Abuse: Past experiences of trauma or abuse can create an aversion to physical touch. If your girlfriend has unresolved trauma in her history, it might be a source of discomfort when touched.

  3. Communication Issues: Sometimes, the problem lies in communication. Your girlfriend may not feel comfortable expressing her needs, boundaries, or preferences regarding physical touch, leading to discomfort when you attempt it.

  4. Relationship Dynamics: The overall dynamics of your relationship can influence how physical intimacy is perceived. Issues such as unresolved conflicts, misunderstandings, or a lack of emotional connection can impact her willingness to engage in physical touch.

  5. Individual Preferences: Every person has their own preferences and boundaries when it comes to physical intimacy. Your girlfriend's level of comfort with physical touch might differ from yours, and this discrepancy can lead to misunderstandings.

  6. Physical Factors: Physical factors, such as fatigue, illness, or discomfort, can affect her response to touch. If she's not feeling well or is experiencing physical discomfort, she may naturally resist physical intimacy.

  7. Stress and Anxiety: High levels of stress and anxiety can make it difficult for someone to engage in physical intimacy. These emotions can create a sense of tension and restlessness that affects her comfort with touch.

Effective Communication

To address the issue of your girlfriend pushing you away when touched, effective communication is essential. Here are some communication strategies to help you navigate this situation:

  1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a comfortable and private setting to discuss the issue. Ensure that you both have the time and emotional space to engage in an open conversation.

  2. Use "I" Statements: Express your concerns using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I've noticed you seem uncomfortable with physical touch, and I'd like to understand why," instead of "You always push me away."

  3. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage her to share her feelings by asking open-ended questions. For instance, ask, "How do you feel when we engage in physical touch?" This allows her to express herself more freely.

  4. Listen Actively: Pay close attention to her responses and show empathy. Listening actively can help you understand her perspective and feelings better.

  5. Be Patient and Non-Judgmental: Understand that this issue might be difficult for her to discuss. Be patient and non-judgmental, creating a safe space for her to open up.

  6. Express Your Feelings: Share your own feelings and experiences related to the issue. This can help her see your perspective and foster a more open and honest conversation.

Understanding Her Perspective

It's important to approach this issue with the intention of understanding her perspective. Keep in mind that her reasons for pushing you away when touched may be deeply personal and rooted in her unique experiences and emotions. Some factors to consider:

  1. Respect Her Boundaries: Your girlfriend's boundaries and comfort levels with physical touch should be respected. It's essential to acknowledge and honor her boundaries, even if they differ from your own.

  2. Past Trauma: If she has experienced trauma or abuse in the past, this may be a significant factor in her discomfort with physical touch. Trauma can have a long-lasting impact on a person's relationship with physical intimacy.

  3. Emotional Well-being: Consider her emotional well-being and any stress or anxiety she may be experiencing. High levels of stress and anxiety can affect a person's comfort with physical touch.

  4. Trust and Emotional Connection: The level of trust and emotional connection in your relationship can influence her comfort with physical intimacy. Fostering a deeper emotional connection can help address this issue.

  5. Communication Barriers: If she has difficulty expressing her needs or boundaries, this may create a barrier to addressing the problem. Encouraging open communication and emotional transparency is vital.

Potential Solutions

To improve physical intimacy in your relationship and address the issue of your girlfriend pushing you away when touched, consider the following solutions:

  1. Seek Professional Help: If her discomfort with physical touch is deeply rooted in trauma or emotional issues, consider seeking the assistance of a therapist or counselor. Professional help can provide the necessary tools to work through these challenges.

  2. Respect and Patience: Be patient and respectful of her boundaries and comfort levels. Avoid pushing her into physical interactions she is uncomfortable with. Over time, as trust and emotional connection deepen, she may become more open to physical intimacy.

  3. Create a Safe Space: Ensure that your relationship is a safe and nurturing environment where she feels comfortable expressing her needs, boundaries, and concerns.

  4. Quality Time: Focus on spending quality time together that allows for emotional connection without the pressure of physical intimacy. Engaging in activities you both enjoy can create a sense of closeness.

  5. Small Steps: Gradual progress may be the key to improving physical intimacy. Start with small, non-threatening gestures of physical affection and gradually work toward more significant displays of intimacy.

  6. Explore Love Languages: Discover each other's love languages, which are the ways you both express and receive love. Understanding each other's love languages can lead to more meaningful and satisfying physical intimacy.

  7. Mindfulness and Relaxation: Engage in activities that promote relaxation and mindfulness, such as meditation or yoga. These practices can help alleviate stress and create a more relaxed environment for physical intimacy.

  8. Educate Yourself: Take the time to educate yourself about the factors that may be contributing to her discomfort with physical touch. Understanding the underlying issues can guide your approach to addressing them.


The issue of your girlfriend pushing you away when touched can be emotionally challenging, but it is a situation that can be addressed and improved with understanding, effective communication, and patience. Physical intimacy is a complex aspect of relationships, influenced by a range of emotional, psychological, and individual factors.

It's essential to respect her boundaries and comfort levels while striving to create a safe and nurturing space for open communication. The willingness to understand her perspective and address the underlying causes of her discomfort can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying physical intimacy in your relationship. Remember that every person is unique, and building a strong emotional connection is often the foundation for a healthier and more satisfying physical relationship.

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